The touch lingered for too long.
He knew that look.
Fingertips danced over the carefully crafted armor in a caress, running over tempered metal plates where beneath he knew veins trailed on the skin. Playing over the arm, down to the hand, with a fleeting gaze that stared at anything but the face. A smile that met past the eyes with a glance kept timid and shy as a greeting was given in a safe reunion. It is in those eyes that Kyle had known so many times before, often met with his own hardened gaze as they would dance betwixt each other hidden behind closed doors. Hidden away from everyone else’s sight. A gaze meant only for him. Out of shame. Maybe.
But that look was not held for him.
He watched from the pew.
Hands clenched tight which turned knuckles white as though he trained for one hour too many. The thrum of his heart was loud in his ears as his breath quickened in anger as the scene played out before him and not for him. Adrenaline coursed through his veins and muscles as eyes strained to comprehend that which saw and could not comprehend. And it was that anger that began to fill his chalice as the pain in his heart festered. Again.
He thought the wound was healed.
He thought the infection had been cleansed.
But it was watching this play that he realized that his own blood turned to pus and the infection had rooted itself into his soul. It twisted inside of him and transformed him into something else than the man he had become so used to staring in his own reflection. And he had to wonder if others could see his bloating carcass writhing in sepsis as he watched the man he had once love take love for another.
Wasn’t that supposed to be for me?
Diseased, he put himself in the shoes of that other Hunter. He pictured himself there after the Hunt with Averna plucking his heart strings. All those nights he had come home to him. All those nights he felt Averna’s touch over his armor. Over his scars. To his chest. To his bone. Prying open his ribcage. Digging out his marrow in feast. Dragging his heart to his lips. Smothering him with nothing but love and affection and thanks that he had made it home to him as Kyle had always promised him he would. Like that day almost eight years ago when they had ‘married’.
And now he was made to stare as it was given to another. His own pride shackled him to where he sat. Or maybe that was fear to face the truth he refused to see. A truth that Averna had regaled him so often in madness. A truth that turned them into this.
It was eating him inside as he stared. Poisoning his mind. Everything slipping through his hands like sand.
“Hey.”
Kyle sucked in a breath as the voice cut through his ruminations. He jolted away from the thoughts that caressed his mind and turned towards the smithy who stood beside him with a tape measure in hand. He could barely recall her name as Gemma. Not that it mattered anyway. Little did now that he had arrived here in this empty place where he remained even emptier.
“What?” his voice was a whip that snapped through the dry air. Others must have heard, as even Averna glanced towards him from across the hunting grounds.
“Stop tensing.” Gemma roughly grasped Kyle’s arm as the measuring tape slacked against his muscle. It was hard for him not to recoil at her touch. There were few he could stand to have him touch him in this way. “Unless you want shoddy work, I got to make sure this is accurate.” She leaned over and wagged the measuring tape in front of his face with a haughty glare.
Kyle rolled his eyes as he took a deep breath in and slowly exhaled. But his eyes couldn’t stop following Averna as he disappeared behind a stockpile. He wondered what he was doing. If he was still talking to that Hunter. Or worse.
The thought was making him sick.
“Geez. If looks could kill.” Gemma shook her head as she continued to measure his arm. “Both you and Averna got a stare that could freeze a Lavasioth. And I’m not sure which is the Lavasioth here.”
Kyle kept quiet. His scowl growing deeper.
“I’m guessing that reunion didn’t go as planned.” Gemma continued.
Kyle closed his eyes. His body was beginning to quiver with rage.
It was humiliating at best.
He didn’t know what to think when he saw Averna as he stepped off the sand ship. Should he not have been happy to see Averna after over two years of disappearance without a trace? Should he had regarded the other with indifference for what he had been put through? Sure, he was upset. He was so angry for being left behind. But none of that mattered knowing that Averna was alive and safe. It was that reunion he wanted to hear those dreadfully missed words that Averna would always tell him when they had reunited with one another for thirteen years, and now Kyle was left to stare at all the broken pieces. Left to be humiliated so publicly in front of everyone after only feeling joy at seeing his… friend? Lover? Ex? Rival? Enemy?
Was that still deserved?
“Can we stop talking about that.” Kyle snapped again. It was not a question but a demand.
“Sure… Sure…” Gemma shrugged as she pulled the measuring tape back. “But don’t count on everyone else not talking about it.” Her eyes trailed to his other arm. She stared at the seashells that covered his body before her gaze returned to his perpetual scowl. “Lucky for you, it seems Zero is still talk of the town.”
It was lucky.
Hardly anyone was willing to openly approach Kyle because of her, if only because he had signed up on this stupid Expedition along that woman. Which was fine by him given the circumstances. But it made hunts that he had been assigned with the other Expedition Hunters awkward at best and downright miserable at worst. Not that he really cared to make any friends here. He was trying to escape his aimless life since Averna had left, and now it felt like he was back right where he started.
It would be possible to go back home. But that would be admitting defeat with his tail between his legs.
He tried not to think about it, even if that was all he could think about.
“Um… Excuse me…”
Kyle straightened his jaw as he turned his attention towards the new voice. A boy stood in front of him dressed in leather armor. Even if not properly introduced, Kyle was familiar of who this boy was as he was highly regarded and mentioned many times over in the briefing before they had gotten on the sand ship to come to this place. Averna’s student: Nata. And even if Kyle had particular qualms and feelings about his… ex… he managed to wrestle most of the resentment away as he stared Nata with stare. But the annoyed expression remained as he regarded Nata with curiosity and some indifference.
He wasn’t sure how he felt about Averna training a new Hunter. And he wasn’t sure why he felt that way. Maybe it was ironic. Maybe it was something else.
“What?” Kyle managed. He noticed Gemma’s even harsher stare towards him as though to wordlessly tell him to behave. Her glare was enough for Kyle to sober his thoughts a little bit and relax. Painfully, it reminded him of his father’s disapproving looks when he was younger.
Nata glanced at Gemma, unsure of what to say. She offered him a soft smile. “It’s alright. Go on.”
There was a short pause as Nata regarded Kyle a moment more. Gently, he offered Kyle a sheet of paper. “Alma told me to give you this.” As gently as Kyle could muster, he took the paper from Nata and reviewed its contents. “They want you to go on a survey.”
Easy enough.
It didn’t seem that bad of a survey within the Windward Plains and it could be easily done with Tsukino. Besides, it would allow him to get away from this place that seemed to make his body crawl with unpleasant feelings and emotions. A hint of a smile seemed to touch his lips as he continued to read the quest details about some sort of Balahara pod that the Guild had been tracking for a few days across the desert basin. Nothing to be alarmed about, and not likely a Hunt, but they wanted to study more of their ecology. Simple. Then, as he reached the end of the paper, just as he was about to hand the paper back to Nata with a chuff and a genuine smile, he saw who else would be on the survey with him.
Written so clearly in ink he saw the name: Averna.
He stood in one swift motion, staring down at the piece of paper with a new rush of anger. “Averna!?” The name resounded through the camp and echoed off the cliffs of the walls. People turned their heads to stare at the sudden exclamation, confusion or worry on their face.
Before Nata or Gemma could say a word, Kyle bolted towards Alma. It felt as though his vision was beginning to darken and blood was rushing to his head as he shoved past other Hunters and researchers. They stared at him strangely and with offense, but there was little care in his world as he stamped over to the Handler who sat without a care in her world on her little stool.
His hands were shaking with rage as he slapped the piece of paper down in the open book Alma was reading. She jolted backwards with a stare of confusion which was promptly replaced with a crossed look as she craned her head upward to the seething Hunter that hovered over her. Slowly, she affixed her glasses on her face as she gently picked up the piece of paper from her book and glanced down at the contents.
“I want to change who I go with on this survey.” Kyle demanded.
The glance that Alma shot him could have been enough to kill him. For once, he might have preferred to deal with Averna than that stare.
“I can’t do that.” Alma spoke slowly but firmly. “It is a rotating shift, and most of the Hunters are currently on a mission or on Guild mandated break.” She stared up at him annoyed as she handed the paper back to him. “You and Averna are the only two we can send.”
“I can go alone.” Kyle crossed his arms over his chest, refusing to take paper. “I’m more than capable of doing a survey by myself.”
“It was considered…” Alma began.
“And...?”
“Because you have not had enough experience in the field within the Forbidden Lands, Fabius thought it prudent to partner you with someone.”
“...So?”
“So…” Alma began more forcefully. “We do not want to lose an asset.”
Kyle tapped his fingers against his arms. Loathed as he was to admit it out loud, the reasoning was sound. He had only been here for a few days and barely had enough a rudimentary knowledge of the layout of the land. Let alone enough training in Seikret riding to utilize the Monsties— Monsters to their fullest potential.
Regardless… “Tsukino and I have been on more dangerous missions. We can handle ourselves.”
“Tsukino is currently on a mission in Wyveria.” Alma was quick to counter. “I understand that you and Averna have a difficult history between each other…” her voice softened slightly. “But I hope that you’ll be able to put away your differences when you’re forced together on a more dangerous Hunt.”
Kyle stared down at the piece of paper. It wavered slightly in the wind.
“Does he know?”
“He was the one that recommended you to Fabius for this survey.” She slightly relaxed her shoulders as she stared up at Kyle, the initial anger in her eyes fading away. “But he did have a similar reaction like you.”
Kyle remained silent.
Alma offered the paper again. Her smile sincere. “I’m sure it won’t be that bad…”
Somehow, Kyle doubted that.
With hesitation, he took the paper and turned away.
A plum of sand billowed over the dunes. Across the mounds of sand the dust settled back into rest as it glittered thousands of stars in the motes of yellow. Heard from afar as Kyle and Averna nestled themselves against a cliff high above the ground was a soft rumble that crested over the hills. Rolling across the desert were a pod of Balahara that crossed the vastness of the Windward Plains in hurried search or lazed wanderings. As fish do, they leapt from the ocean of sand and spun and turned in on themselves as they crossed the basin. Hardened black scales glistened against the sun as they leapt high into the sky and landed cleanly back into the sand as though it were water. This ocean-like appearance gave hallucinations to the two Hunters of a far away memory where crests of sands so similar to the waves lapped at the beach and flowed as water does over the land. But even they both knew better than to remember that so similar sea in the mirages. They both gazed out into that so familiar water, it was a different eye that they watched the shimmering tides. For Averna stared out into the ocean with that glitter in the eye that remembered home; and it was Kyle’s gaze that remained on the Averna who sat crouched against the sand carved stone whose eyes glittered with a memory that reminded him of something else.
Hidden within the cliffs they stared out into the sea. In one hand Averna held a pencil against his journal and the other held binoculars to his face. Kyle stood with a scowl and arms crossed over his chest as he kept the glare to his companion, uncaring to the monsters who swam over the dunes. A wall of silence had formed between the two of them, and it might have been for the best. They hadn’t spoken a word to each other since they left camp. Not because they had no need to say a word to each other, but because they both knew if they had said a word to one another it would be something they would regret.
Maybe.
But the silence of the vast desert tended to wounds in Kyle’s mind that an argument would have likely kept at bay. With the ocean cast a net over his mind came the memory of seeing Averna’s face so happy speaking to that other Hunter. So loving in the look that it made Kyle’s skin crawl as he kept a glare upon Averna who may as well have treated him as not even there.
It was that attention to another that he craved for himself.
He wanted it desperately. Needed it. And to admit that to the person who left him would have been a greater poison to his heart. The wound festered more. His scowl deepened as he watched Averna write. That beautiful handwriting pressed against paper. So similar the handwriting from years ago in the letters he would receive. Pressed in flowers and scented with the saltiness of the ocean. Every letter was kept carefully locked away in Kyle’s possessions. Tasting them on his tongue as he drank in the memories. Even the last that was hid away.
“Here.”
Kyle stared at Averna who held out the binoculars to him. A glance was not betrayed.
“What?” The reply oozed in disdain. Kyle did not reach for the binoculars.
Finally, Averna indulged himself in his own glare and Kyle felt his heart stop in the same way that he remembered it stopping all those years ago when they were just kids. But the look was much too fleeting. Too hating.
“They’re hunting—”
“So?” Kyle snatched the binoculars from Averna. He felt the other’s touch. The clawed gauntlets that shimmered so beautifully beneath the sun. But not as beautiful as… “That’s what Monsters do.”
There was a small pause. Then Averna resumed: “They’re hunting a Rey Dau.” He turned away from Kyle to point towards the Monsters in the far distance.
Kyle wanted him to keep staring.
Slowly Kyle knelt beside Averna. Probably the closest they had gotten to each other since that day over two years ago. He betrayed a glance towards Averna before raising the binoculars to his eyes and stared. After a moment of searching, Kyle saw what was announced. There it was: A wounded Rey Dau that managed to fly across the basin of the desert with the Balahara close behind it. Likely they smelled the blood and already rotting wound. For what inflicted it, Kyle was unsure. They were too far to see the details and would have to move closer.
“What do you see?”
Kyle frowned. “Exactly what you told me.”
He heard a frustrated sigh. Another pause. Then: “I know that. But is there anything else there? What do the Monsters look like?”
Kyle lowered the binoculars and glared at Averna who betrayed another glance towards him. A was hand poised over the journal in preparation for note taking.
“You’ve always been better at this.” You’re a Rider. “Let me take notes.”
There was a scoff in reply as Averna turned away from him and returned his gaze into the desert. “I don’t want to argue.” There was another pause. “Just tell me what they’re doing.”
The frown deepened. As much as Kyle didn’t want to be told what to do, he understood that there were certain things that simply needed to be done. They were on a survey. It would have been inappropriate to argue at a time like this. Even if there was so much left unsaid. Yet it was difficult not to feel as though Averna was twisting the knife so intentionally in Kyle’s face. The indifference. The tone of his voice. Everything was setting Kyle’s nerves on edge and bitterness grew in his mouth as he chewed on the thoughts that had fermented in his mind for over two years. It was difficult to return his gaze back through the binoculars, but return he did. Watching. Observing. Thinking.
He tried to focus on the task at hand with that all too familiar feeling that he used to have when going on missions with Averna. In the familiarity grew a bigger pain to his chest and the wound to his heart only deepened. He could not focus on the Balahara’s hunt nor the Rey Dau’s impending death. All he could stare at was his own mortal wound which seeped blood down his chest. Thoughts kept returning to earlier with that other Hunter. That look. That touch.
“Who was that Hunter you were talking to?” Kyle blurted out the question as unceremoniously as their reunion just days ago.
And there was another silence.
He could hear the pitter patter glass of the Rey Dau from across the ocean and its strange dying noise. Beads of sand rolled over the desert dunes as the blood from the Monster sprayed onto the thirsting land as rain does. Maybe flowers would bloom there. Or maybe not.
“You’ll have to be more specific.”
Kyle lowered the binoculars to stare at Averna only to find him staring back. He wasn’t sure if the other was frowning or smiling but in the gaze was something else there. A gaze that knew exactly what Kyle meant.
“The one with the hammer.”
The silence drew longer.
“Olivia?” Averna raised a brow. That smile came to full. It made him sick. “Why does it matter to you?”
Kyle mulled on that for a moment. Not wanting to admit what he truly felt. But… “What is she to you?”
“What?” Averna laughed at the absurdity of the question. It was nervous and uncomfortable.“What are you talking about? She’s only a friend.”
“Just a friend?”
“A hunting partner.” Something in the way Averna said those words were exactly in the same cadence when he would describe Kyle as his hunting partner. There was a nonchalant shrug. “You know I don’t like women like that…” he turned away from Kyle to stare at anything else but him. “Even if I did… I don’t think it’s any of your business.”
It wasn’t.
And it was.
Things had ended between the two of them. That was all there was. But Kyle couldn’t help but feel as though he should have some opinion on the matter. Possessive? Possibly. But hate had made wondrous packing to the wound inside his heart, constricting any reasonable thought that should have been had. He continued to stare. Continued to stew on the bitterness. There was more to be said. He knew that look. Knew exactly the way Averna stared off into the distance. He had seen that look so many times before.
Teeth clamped down into themselves as his jaw set itself taut as every muscle tensed beneath the armor. His body felt weird in its sensations and so aware of everything that was happening all at once. It was as if he were on a Hunt.
“I know how you look at her.” Kyle continued.
“I don’t think you do.” Averna replied flatly.
“I know you’re hiding something.”
Another silence.
“Do you really want to know that bad?”
They shared a glance. A glance that said more than what they were willing to ever say.
Like Kyle, Averna knew the exact look that was given to him. Knew this exact song and dance. They had done it so many times before. Especially near The End. Even if he knew it was a bad idea, Kyle needed to know the things that were left unsaid. Even as he felt that, there was fear in the invitation set, but it was far too late to retract those words. Averna’s fingers were already tearing at the wax seal of the letter. The bow string drew back.
“I kissed her.”
Those words penetrated straight through Kyle’s armor. Sent his body and mind reeling. They were words that he had wished were left unsaid.
The sepsis worsened.
“What?” The words felt weird in Kyle’s mouth. His body felt strange and unlike himself. “What!?” The question grew louder and echoed over the desert dunes.
But Averna hardly flinched. He merely looked back at Kyle with an even more testy gaze. “You wanted to know.” His voice was cool as ice, so unlike how he was two years ago. There was another pause as he he thought of something. Maybe. His stare remained on Kyle as though he were a Monster testing the intention of the Hunter. Then it broke from the Hunter as Averna set his pencil down against his journal with an exhausted sigh. A touch of guilt chanced his features. Maybe. “Nothing else happened between us.”
Those words hardly meant anything to Kyle. Knowing that someone else had touched him in the way that Kyle used to was enough for his mind to spin. It felt as though his entire soul was being unraveled thread by thread. Leaving him with nothing.
“Y-You…” Kyle’s voice trembled, uncertain if it was rage or something else. He turned to face Averna, shifting to sit against his knees as he crawled closer to him. He couldn’t think. He couldn’t breathe. The bow string remained taut with the arrow. “Why?”
Averna regarded Kyle with a mild indifference.
It should have been so simple to forget all of this. Two years was a long time. It should have been enough to be able to forgive, or at least be able to no longer resent. But thirteen years was an even longer time; half their lifetime long. All they had been through. All they had done together. All for it to lead to this moment.
He imagined Averna sat beside Olivia like how they were now. Their faces turned to each other. How they would lean in. Delighting in each other. Their lips pressed together in a kiss that was not so chaste. So similar in the ways that Averna and Kyle would indulge in one another before the Hunt and every moment thereafter. Kissing. Touching. Basking. Smiling. Indulging.
“I never argued with you whenever you had a ‘girlfriend’.” Averna turned to face him to partake in this Hunt. His body kept still.
“That was different.” Kyle hissed. “I never kissed another woman.”
“You liked to pretend that you did.” Averna snapped in reply. His teeth dug deep. In those words were truth, but Kyle tried not to pay that truth any mind. “Did you think we were pretend too?”
“No!” Kyle’s answer was immediate as he stared at Averna in shock and anger. The arrow in the bow shook with rage… and something else. “I never thought that! I always took what we had seriously. You know that.”
What they had was real.
At least, that was what he believed to be true.
He set the binoculars down to the ground and continued to stalk towards the Rathalos. Careful were his steps. Even was his breath.
“I don’t think you do.” Averna said once more. His gaze was hardened by the days that he had spent away from Kyle. Both were unsure if it was the absence or from something else. “If you did, you wouldn’t have followed me here—”
“I didn’t follow you.” Kyle hissed through his teeth. “You think I’d try to do that after you left me? The last place I want to be is with you.”
Averna kept still. A scowl was fully formed on his face as he regarded Kyle’s words with a guttural huff of a laugh. “Then leave.” He turned away from Kyle and stared into the distance. Even if the words Averna spoke were in such clarity, Kyle could see the gentle tremble in his body. Watched as how he wanted to be anywhere but here. Maybe he wanted to say something else. “Just go back home. I’m sure your dad will be happy to know I’m no longer in your life. You can tell him I died for all I care.”
Kyle clenched his fists. He felt how the blood in his fingers lost circulation. Felt the anger in his chest. “This has nothing to do with my dad.”
“It has everything to do with him!” Averna turned back to stare at Kyle. “And you encourage it.”
“I never—” Kyle began. He closed his eyes then shook his head. “What? So you think running away like you always do is going to change his mind?”
Averna kept his stare. But said nothing.
Kyle approached closer. The arrow so close to the Rathalos’s face.
He wanted to hear those words again:
I missed you.
He listened to the noise of the Rey Dau in the distance.
Listened to the pitter patter of Averna’s armor.
He should have ran away. Should have returned the attention back to the dying Rey Dau that tried to escape the Hunt. But Kyle’s thoughts were too preoccupied with the obsession of what laid before him.
Averna lowered his gaze from Kyle’s. “None of this even matters anymore.” His voice drifted to a faraway place as he let the tension in his body fade away, accepting the inevitable fate which the arrowhead gave. “I don’t know why you care anymore.”
And Kyle crept closer and stared at Averna. He stared at his beautiful purple eyes and small threads of hair that hid his beautiful face. That strange look in the other’s eyes said so much to him that words couldn’t betray. Even if he often believed he could not hear a Monster speak, it was this one that he knew exactly what was said even if there was no words spoken between each other. Behind the veil of hatred, Kyle understood it. And it was only too late that Kyle understood all the times that Averna had told him that he had such an adult-like expression in his eyes when they were just children. Because now Averna held it too.
Was that his doing?
“It’s because I—” The words were caught in his throat. He bit down on his cheeks as fluttering wings scattered inside his stomach. Was it hate or a memory from so long ago?
“What?” Averna murmured to himself. He looked up to Kyle with furrowed brows. “You what?” He pushed himself slightly forward towards Kyle. He was so close. It was this side to Averna that was so unlike the usual countenance that Kyle was used to. He was so used to the shy looks. The timid stares. And when they argued like this he would… he would… he would…
“I…” Kyle’s breath was heavy as he crawled forward. “Its because I…”
He wanted that day six years ago back.
He remembered it well. The day they were married.
But he supposed that they never were.
Even if it never was, Kyle was sincere in the promise he made to Averna all those years ago.
Was Averna the same?
“I still…” he felt nauseous trying to say all the things he wanted to say.
They stared at one another.
Those beautiful eyes only meant for him and those lips formed so tight into a scowl. Yet those same lips were so gently parted away as he eagerly awaited that which Averna’s body knew so well. And Kyle knew the look that Averna gave him. Knew that it was something else on his mind with the words that he also couldn’t say. Or maybe that was what Kyle had deluded himself into imagining upon this stage with all the times they had stood there together. There was an imperfect clarity as he stared into the eyes of the Rathalos. So subtly pleading. So subtly wanting. So subtly yearning for something more.
And he despised it.
The Rey Dau armor began to sing with a pitter patter of its beautiful song.
He wanted that day ten years ago back.
He remembered it well. The day he first kissed him.
But he supposed he never did.
Even if it never was, Kyle always longed for the days that he would be able to confess what he really wanted to say.
He watched Averna lean away from him.
So familiar the stage, but every time they learned nothing from the play.
So what if this was a bad idea?
Kyle kept an even gaze as Averna matched his own. With it, they both recognized the stare. When Kyle saw him, he was reminded of that day six years ago when Averna stared at him with the same wanting malice. Now it was that same stare once more. The same stare Averna had given him when he told him how much he loved him for the first time. And now, it was that again.
“I still…”
And just like that day years ago. He couldn’t say it.
It was Averna who looked away from him. But Kyle wanted him to keep staring in the way that he had done before. With trembling hands he caressed Averna’s cheek and pulled him back to that same stare. And it was when Averna leaned into the touch that Kyle felt as though his body was set on fire with the delusions of grandeur.
He leaned in closer. His hand crept to the belt that hung loose around his waist. Even with Kyle’s eyes kept to Averna’s lips, he saw how the body opened itself to him. Watched as Averna’s legs slowly adjusted themselves to be more comfortable and welcoming to that space in between. Ready to receive him in the Hunt he had been pilgrimaging on for those two years he had been gone. How he yearned to be with him. How he yearned to take in the sepsis. To harvest it now that the pus was ripe. He watched behind the bow. The arrow poised to strike against the Rathalos’s faceplate. Like it should have all those years ago.
“I…” Averna began and never finished. It would add to the things that they couldn’t say to each other. Just like all the rest. “You know that I…” Malice was replaced by that shy look that Kyle knew so well. And for just a moment, there was nothing wrong anymore.
He didn’t know.
Neither of them knew nor understood.
“I just wish you’d forget about me.” Averna closed his eyes, but leaned in.
Kyle felt the carving knife beneath his hand. Felt its cold and beautiful touch. Felt the bowstrings in his fingers.
“I can’t…” Those memories were the sepsis. How he would awake at night and claw to the empty spot beside him. Wondering. Festering. Writhing in despair at the absence of the one he loved the most.
He drew closer to Averna. Lips formed close to each other. Not quite touching. But not quite apart. Kyle could feel the warm breath against his own face as he stared at Averna who could not admit to the wanting need that had grown thorns into them.
From his waist Kyle moved his hand up Averna’s chest. Feeling the Rey Dau scales over him. Feeling the metal. The leather. The skin. The muscle. The lungs. Heart. Veins. Blood. Disease. Up the neck. Up the jugular. Up the artery. Fingers threaded through his beautiful hair. Even if his hands were bound in leather, he could still remember how it felt all those years ago. How soft it was between his fingers. How many times he had ran his fingers through his hair and told him how beautiful it was. He felt through into his ponytail and watched how it fell over his shoulders like all those times he had done it before. Lips parted to receive. His body shuddered at the delightful touch.
He tensed his fingers into the hair and pulled Averna’s head to the side. It was gentle. And not. But Averna did not struggled against the pull as he drifted through the ocean of desire. As if this was everything that he ever wanted as well. That this is everything he missed.
The bow string released. Kyle felt him on his lap, straddling his waist. The arrow soared. He pulled his head closer to him as those hot breaths met one another in desperate need. The arrowhead struck its head. His fingers ran down his hair back to the waist and over the Rathalos carapace. Fingering every scale. Every gap. Every crevice. Pulling. Tearing. Devouring. Picking him apart as the Hunter does with the kill.
Those lips were burning against him. They felt just as soft and homely as two years before.
It tasted exactly how he remembered. Like the ocean.
His lips. His teeth. His tongue. His body. His bone.
All met with Kyle’s own.
And it felt wrong.
Kyle closed his eyes and let the memory of six years ago float over his mind.
Remembered the night where everything was black and dark beneath the Sapphire Star. Ratha wasn’t there, but he remembered him being there. The ocean against his body. How his eyes barely adjusted to the darkness around him as he stared at Averna. They were so young. They were barely even adults. But he could remember how they leaned towards each other and closed their eyes.
And it was that night he wanted again. It was that night he wanted to selfishly relive. Against the wishes of his father. Against the wishes of his brothers. Against the wishes of everyone. It was wrong. It should have been wrong. They should have never married that night so long ago. So why did he only think about that day with fondness?
And all he wanted to do was push deeper inside of him. To feel past the mouth. To feel him down into his chest. Through to his heart. Into his marrow. And even if Averna broke him, he didn’t have the heart to break him back. He wanted to take it for himself and keep him safe. To run away from all of this like they did eight years ago.
The Rathalos sang.
He could feel Averna’s body and he wanted to unthread him completely.
They could start over again.
He waited for Averna to pull away from him, but he only melted deeper into Kyle. Felt as his body pressed against his. His waist against his. Rubbing. Needing. Begging. Sharp gauntlets threaded through Kyle’s armor as he pulled against thickly woven rope that kept his armor intact. Kyle could feel the sudden constriction. Felt how Averna began to unravel him. Felt his hand reach lower down his body. Averna was inside of him. His tongue ran over his mouth drinking in the water that had once forgotten. He caressed the bow in his hand and ran those beautiful gauntlets over every Mizutsune scale. The pull. Release. His own arrow sent flying with his. Warmth spread over Kyle’s body from his stomach, over his body, furling inside of him. He gasped at the delight in what he had missed for two years.
Sweat dripped down them both. He listened to the singing. The sighs. The moans. Pushing and pulling and taking everything that Averna took away from him all those years ago. Even in the hunger it all felt so much the same as it did so long ago. Every breath. Every gasp. Every taste. Every bite. Every sway of their bodies forming into one festering wound. Neither of them could stop each other or themselves as they were lost in the moment that should have never been.
Kyle finally drew back and stared at the flustered needing face. It was as if nothing had changed between the two of them. But everything still was.
Averna stared deeply at Kyle as he took deep heavy breaths. The wanting was growing between their bodies. Between their…
“I…” Averna began. “I missed…”
But before Averna was able to speak those words, Kyle leaned into him for a much needier kiss. Indulging in the words that were never spoken but Kyle knew all too well. As though he were coming home again to his arms.
His hands rounded Averna’s waist. Felt the carving knife that he had given to him all those years ago. The Tigrex bone so perfectly made. The blade so perfectly sharpened and black. And he felt how his hand began to unsheathed the gift he had given him so many years ago. How the little Rathalos carvings in the bone danced across the flourish and the knife reflected the sun so perfectly into the sky.
Kyle pulled back and held Averna in his hands as he slowly pushed him down to the ground. The motions were so familiar in the ways it always been when they had not seen each other for weeks. Behind closed doors. Beneath the night sky. Bodies illuminated by the limelight of the moon. Averna stared up at Kyle with that so familiar look. His wings were spread and Kyle knelt between them. Blue membrane that could have been black spread from his body with the Wings of Ruin glistening in the desert sun and its iridescent qualities sparkled greater than the most coveted fulgurite.
This wasn’t how it was supposed to go.
Kyle’s hands trailed down Averna’s neck.
Down the armor. The leather. The scales. The metal. The belt. The waist. Fingers ghosted over the groin and its tight leather. He pulled one of the buckles. Felt the armor slacken and its weight was released from that beautiful flesh to find the beautiful thing of all. Kyle raised the carving knife and began to carve.
His hips moved closer into Averna and swayed. And he pushed the knife further down.
Closer.
Kyle moved his hands around Averna’s legs and began to slowly part them. Felt as Averna moved his legs around Kyle’s body. Felt as his back arched in yearning as he carve a space inside of him. Kyle leaned over Averna, hands still holding up the other Hunter’s body as he began to delight more in his kiss. Teeth bit down against those soft lips earning a gasp of pleasure with the body beneath shuddering in his touch.
He needed more.
Kyle pulled back from the kiss as he felt how his own body shivered to receive and give that which he had held onto for so many years. How he yearned to untie that which laid beneath him.
And he did.
He ran his hand up and over Averna’s arm that laid against the ground. The scales arched up and over Averna’s body and Kyle ran over each and every one of them. Learning the body of his lover as he one had all those years ago. Over his shackles. The metal. The scales that still sung. Up Averna’s arm and to his hand calloused so sweetly with the taste of saltwater now made calloused with the Hunt. A thumb curved over sharp gauntlets polished into beautiful purple so similar to Averna’s eyes. Roughly, he pushed his thumb into Averna’s palms and began to rub against the thick leather that bound them both. Beneath him, Averna writhed and groaned in a touch that Kyle knew would drive him mad. And how could he not know? It was together that they unraveled each other. Learning their bodies. Teaching it. Becoming it.
It was his.
He grasped the wrist and pulled the carving knife down the wings. Cutting into the membrane and deep into the bone. Fingers pulled and pushed deep inside him searching for that beautiful Rathalos gem. Running up and down the arm. Fingering each tendon. Each scale. Tracing the patterns of the Wings of Ruin.
He stared at Averna’s face which had become more heavily flustered and eyes more pleading to receive the touch that they had given each other often before. Kyle leaned back down, lips running over Averna’s cheeks and further down his neck. Burying it into his hair and taking in the smell that he had almost forgotten. And as he did, he pushed his body against Averna’s groin. Gasps of pleasure glistened with the sand dunes as they both shuttered against each other to this rut. There was need in each gasp and a whimper of a plead for more. But all Kyle could hear was the dying Rathalos wail. The Balahara maiming it. How it ripped into sinew and flesh and feasted.
Kyle breathed him in. Took in the touch and the smell and the everything else he had missed for over two years. Felt the desperation beneath him and inside of him. Felt the hands against Kyle’s own waist. Felt Averna inside of himself. Felt himself inside him. The warm blood over his hands as he continued to carve. Tracing the knife over the Wings of Ruin pattern and so gently extracting it from his body.
Lips pressed against Averna’s neck. Mouthing over the artery and delighting in the noise. A hand raised to Averna’s necklace to peel it away like fruit skin to the sweet flesh and soft flesh beneath. Prodding it with his tongue. Feeling how it shivered beneath him as he continued to finger into Averna’s palm. Running his thumb up and over. How it twitched. How it yearned. Down the shaft. Up. Down. Up… He could feel it… His…
Averna gasped as he tensed against Kyle and a shiver ran down his spine. A hand grasped his shoulder and pulled him in harder as his legs wrapped around Kyle in need. Deeper into his body. Harder against him. The carving knife plunged itself deep into the flesh. Pushing aside the carapace and straight into organs. Then that sweet moan he had heard hundreds of times over. The want. The need. The everything that Kyle had missed.
And the pain.
“Kyle…” Averna gasped. “Ah…”
It was his name from Averna’s lips which set him on fire. All those beautiful disgusting memories of those all those nights came back to him. He remembered the first time. He remembered the last time. It was so strange he could not remember every argument in between.
Did he feel the same?
It was that voice. That tone. He knew he was close.
Deeper.
He pushed inside of Averna. Felt himself quicken against his body. Felt himself drown against the armor. The skin. The flesh. Every moan was met in delight as Averna spread his body further apart and revealed to him the beauty of his carcass. It was that specimen below him that was the most beautiful Monster he would carve. The Monster which he would use as claim to his career as a Hunter.
He opened his mouth more. Pushing his teeth into him. Pressing his lips against Averna’s ear as he almost said the words he really wanted to say.
“Averna. I—”
HateYou. LoveYou. MissYou. WantToBeWithYou. Don’tUnderstand. WantToFeelYouInsideMe. WantYouBack. NeedToBeInsideOfYou. WantYouToFeelHowYouMadeMeFeel. LoveYou. HopeYouFuckingHateMe. MissYou. LoveYou. MissYou. LoveYou. MissYou. HateYou. MissYou. Love you. Love… You... Love…
I hate how you make me feel.
The carving knife dug itself deeper inside.
He could taste salt. Maybe that was home.
Did it matter anymore?
Kyle pulled his mouth back from Averna’s face and pressed his forehead against the other’s shoulder. Pitter patter of glass gently caressed the air. Sweat dripped off their bodies as they continued their rut. The carving knife pulled itself so carefully down the Rathalos’s body as he exorcized the hatred into Averna’s flesh.
His body was on fire. Sweat glistened over their skin as he felt the pull and push. The noise beneath him and over him. How the carving knife squelched against the flesh and poured the blood over the both of them.
He could hear the dying gasps of the Rathalos. Still alive even after it had been so delightfully carved. Wings furled around Kyle and draped the blood over his armor. Adrenaline released from both their bodies as each gasped against the delight they had relished between themselves. Then…!
Then…
Then…
….
It was empty.
Just as empty as those last two years had been.
They both did not realize how long the silence had drawn.
Delight and ecstasy wore itself to a thin line which disappeared to nothing more than the emptiness that the two of them left each other with. And even if Kyle wished for that day ten years ago, six years ago, and every year between— it still felt like that day when Averna left him.
There came a soft sob. From who, neither could say.
The thrusts slowed to a stop and Kyle pulled back his head to stare down at Averna’s face with those eyes he was so familiar with. In both their faces the hypnosis of whatever this was disappeared and there was only that cruel realization of what had occurred. Averna’s hand was latched into one of the ropes of Kyle’s armor as he laid there bare. His beautiful wings left mangled and torn. His beautiful hair draped over his face to hide the shame. The carving knife deep inside of his chest.
The Balahara feasted on the corpse of the Rey Dau.
The noise made Kyle sick.
Time ticked to a stop as they shared in each other but not as they did moments before. Kyle’s breath was heavy as he forced his thoughts back to this place. Hungry eyes stared down at Averna who was pressed against the ground. Legs were awkwardly spread apart with Kyle pressed against his groin. Lips wet with Kyle’s saliva. The necklace slightly ajar and half pushed to the side with a growing welt against otherwise perfect skin.
This was wrong.
Kyle watched as Averna slowly coiled into himself. Tucking away his body in shame as Kyle stared down at him.
“This…” Averna pulled his hands over his body. “We…” His voice was weak and feeble, just like how he used to be before he became a Hunter.
And Kyle stared down almost dumbstruck.
“We aren’t…”
And it was that which brought him back to all those nights that Kyle stared down at Averna in bed. Laid bare before him with open arms. How the sun would drape over his beautiful copper skin. How his body would sing more beautiful than the Rey Dau armor. His wings furling over him. Bringing close to his warm body. Enveloping him in a feeling better than any he had ever known.
But this was not that feeling.
This was a bastardization of what should have been. What could not ever be.
Averna could not meet his gaze as he stared to the side lost in his own thoughts, embarrassed or ashamed of what had just transpired. As if this thing that they had just done could just be simply forgotten.
They both knew it should be. Just like every other argument that was had. Just like every other disagreement that was muttered between the two of them. Just like the thirteen years they had known each other. Just like it was now.
In the distance the Balahara continued to tear into the Rey Dau.
Kyle stumbled back from Averna and averted his own gaze as he covered more of his body. Kyle stood there, shameful but confused by his own actions. He felt the blood roll down his body onto the cliffside, giving what the desert was due.
Neither could no longer stare at the other.
It was another argument to add to all the rest.
“We should…” Averna began. But the words he was going to say fell short. Kyle already knew what was to be said. But not what was wanted to say.
In the distance they could both hear the death throes of the Rey Dau.
Maybe.
“Yeah.” Kyle unceremoniously turned away.
Behind him he could hear Ratha’s death throes.
Just like the day they first met.
Maybe.
And life went on.